There is no stigma about crying if you are a woman, but it is viewed as unmasculine if you are a man. Yet most if not all men have cried at one time or another. Of course most men I think prefer to cry in solitude if they feel the need. Life can be incredibly painful on many levels. A lot of time as men, we stuff all of our pain and sadness down without letting it surface, out of fear of appearing weak, or even fearing that it means that we are weak. Yet I have seen videos of Dennis Rodman and Mike Tyson, two of the baddest mofos ever to walk the earth, and there is footage of them crying like babies. There is nothing wrong with that at all, we’re all human and sometimes need to release pain and sadness. Sometimes it comes out when we are holding too much of it in.
I know it is not like women have less emotional issues than men, but I do feel like men probably suppress things a lot more than women. Sadness or crying are not the only emotions that people suppress. I am not a psychiatrist, or going to give helpful advice on how to deal with people’s emotions, only acknowledging that emotions are a very important category of human health and well being, and that suppression can lead to carrying toxic energy that can be part of what blocks the body from maximal health and freedom of movement. I would not advise expressing all of your emotions TO other people, but for things like anger, sometimes it is not bad advice to hit a punching bag for a while, or any other healthy form of exercise that can release stress. And to practice forgiveness, which is probably one of the healthiest ideas from religion and spirituality that is a sound psychological practice as well. However spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle pointed out that if there is a difference between a thought and an emotion, it is the thought that is the lie. We may try and forgive someone mentally or even think we have, and yet feel negative emotions toward them on a deeper level. I would suggest that if you have great difficulty forgiving a particular person or something that happened, don’t make too much of it. Sometimes we are going to have bad feelings toward people, and cannot always “love our neighbor” even if we try. Don’t make your emotions “wrong” because you think you should be able to forgive everybody as part of wanting to be a good or spiritual person. Just realize that the past is gone, and that you want to move forward.
But I will elaborate on forgiveness for a minute, just because there is an amazing example. In 1997, Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield fought, and during the fight, Tyson bit off a part of Holyfield’s ear – twice! In an interview with Joe Rogan, Holyfield talks about the experience of being bitten, and forgiveness. Rogan asked him how long it took him to forgive Tyson. Holyfied replied by talking about being in the locker room after the fight. His amazing words to the people around him in the locker room who were pissed off about Tyson biting his ear: “Did he bite you? No, he bit me. Now I’m gonna forgive him. And you know what? Y’all are gonna have to forgive him too”. Tyson had not even apologized.
That’s real strength, and wisdom. The pain of that incident died with the choice to forgive. There was no vengeance in Holyfield’s heart after the fact, he was free. Holyfied demonstrated such incredible strength of character (as Joe’s reaction to his locker room account reflects) and a spiritual lesson that we all would benefit from following. Forgive, and be free. If you can’t forgive somebody, they are not the one that suffers. You do.
I would also like to add something from one of my life lessons during my few decades of life as a human being. Sometimes forgiveness is not possible. Maybe you were really good to someone and they have hurt or disrespected you – and they are not even sorry about it. It may be very difficult to forgive a person in such a situation. It is easy to become frustrated with yourself because you seem to be unable to forgive, the way you think you should be able to. I say allow the unforgiveness to be there, perhaps it is meant to protect you from somebody who does not wish you well and can only cause you pain. I will put it this way: it is a greater mistake to fail to recognize evil and evil motives in another than it is to not be able to forgive. It can be incredibly destructive to attempt to communicate and resolve grievances with someone who is mean spirited or heartless, even if your motives for wanting to achieve some sort of reconciliation or closure would seem to be well-intentioned or for the purpose of “healing”. I would also advise to stay clear of close relations with narcissists. This is a category of exceedingly dangerous people with seemingly little to no capacity for compassion, empathy, or remorse. It is written that Jesus said “don’t cast your pearls before swine”. I believe he may have been speaking about avoiding such people.
Asymmetrical Awareness 